What you want vs what you need
Why do we get involved in different relationships whether friendship, professional, work, romantic, any type of relationship?
A need is something that is necessary for an organism to live a healthy life. There are needs for a healthy life. Wants on the other hands are not necessary and are simply what we prefer to have.
A need can be physical, psychological, social and spiritual. Physical needs are more like what we need to survive and they are physical resources e.g. food, water, shelter, oxygen, physical security Psychological needs are more of internal need. E.g. attachment, affiliation, emotional security, intimacy. Social needs are more of social things. E.g. status, identity, achievements, community. Spiritual needs are more of connection with God, existential purpose and peace.
Did you also know that most times, some of the things we want are basically needs masked as wants?
For instance, sometimes, someone that always wants all the latest things and likes showing off might want to be seen as someone that has money. This person probably has esteem issues, so their need here is to have good self-esteem. Unfortunately, they think it’s by showing off that they will get that.
Another example is when you try to make money, to be financially successful and all. You simply have a need for security; financial security.
What you do and how you behave is most times, you working towards fulfilling your needs. Unfortunately, some of us go about it the unhealthy and self-destructive way. Sometimes people behave in certain ways that lets you know the problem and the needs they have.
For example, a controlling partner simply needs a form of control in their lives and they do so by projecting that on their partner.
Perhaps, growing up, people (maybe parents or guardians) made choices for them. Maybe everything they had and did was as a result of following a plan; little to nothing was really left to them. Perhaps, at work, they are bossed around and there’s little they can do about that. So their relationship is the only place they feel in charge and so they project all that there.
Also, a controlling partner, apart from wanting control in their life, has esteem issues and they want security and intimacy. They simply want someone to stay with them, they probably think their partner would leave them if he/she is out there being independent and so they become controlling.
Another example is fighting to do a particular task or have a particular responsibility at work. What people see is that you want that task or responsibility. What you are actually fighting for is respect and recognition.
Sometimes, we can’t even identify our needs, we simply think it’s something we want when we are trying to fulfill a need. Look at some of the things you do and try to figure out what your needs really are and find healthy ways to achieve them.
Below are a few needs you might not have known about