Why you need to start listening actively

Active listening is a soft skill that is necessary for better relationships, whether it’s at work or in our personal lives. It is more than just hearing someone speak and is more than simply listening.

Did you know that the average man only remembers between 25% to 50% of what is being said?

Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to provide feedback on what he or she hears to the speaker. With active listening, you don’t necessarily have to proffer a solution but you can give clarity to the person talking in the process.

Have someone ever listened to you rant and at the end of the day, they made you realize what to do without even giving a solution?

Well, that’s active listening. They simply did so by giving you feedback.

Why is active listening important?

Active listening helps in recognizing other's perspectives and feelings. It helps us appreciate them. This helps in resolving conflicts yet maintaining mutual respect for each other.

There are 3 main types of listening.

1.      Competitive or combative listening

2.      Passive listening

3.      Active listening

Certain things can cause one to not listen actively and these are known as barriers. Some barriers to listening are:

·         Boredom

·         An occupied mind

·         Environmental distractions

·         Internal/personal issues

·         Perceptions

·         Trigger words

·         Attention span issues like ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)

·         Know it all

·         Style of delivery

To become an active listener, there are some things you need to take note of to be an active listener or show you’re listening actively:

·         Pay attention to what the person is saying and to their non-verbal cues

·         Show that you're listening by providing feedback (like paraphrasing)

·         Try not to interrupt people when they are speaking

·         Ask questions for clarifications

·         Be open, respectful and honest in your response

·         Have empathy

To show you're listening, you can use the following English phrases

·         ‘Really?’ – It’s used to encourage the speaker to say more

·         ‘Do you mean…?’ – is used to gain more understanding or clarification

·         ‘It sounds like…’ – another statement used to show you understand what is being said

·         ‘So what you're saying is this…’ – Used for summarizing what you think the person said and to check if you understand it enough.

Here are a few more tips on active listening

        i.            You can show you’re listening by paraphrasing what the person has already said

      ii.            Try to make consistent eye contact while listening to someone. It shows you’re following what they say. However, don’t do so creepily especially when dealing with an anxious or nervous person.

    iii.            Be open in your posture. Don’t cross your hands, don’t behave like you are in a hurry or you need to be somewhere, keep your body loose. Being open helps the person talking to be comfortable talking to you and to trust you.

    iv.            Smile. Don’t look worked up or angry. Smiling has a way of making people feel warm.  Loosen up by smiling but do so appropriately. You don’t want to be smiling when someone is saying something sad or something serious. That would be weird.

      v.            Ask open questions. An example is ‘how did that make you feel?’ It simply shows your desire to engage in the discussion.

    vi.            If you can, remember past things or details they must have mentioned earlier or in your last conversation. It shows that you care and you truly listened.

  vii.            Use appropriate nonverbal response like nodding, smiling etc.

viii.            Finally, listen to understand and not to fight or provide a snap back.

Active listening isn’t something everyone does easily. however, it can be learned and done.